opportunity

I used to think that comfort had to do with living conditions, with amenities and feeling secure and having a convenient life. I used to pride myself in being able to live [happily] in meager circumstances. But I am quickly realizing that it's much more than that. These past 2 days of Colonels and Generals arguing over where I need to be stationed are showing me a deeper level of comfort in which I've been hiding.

Coming to Iraq, I promised myself I would make the most of it. I craved experience, I wanted fiercely to gain absolutely all there is to be gained, to "suck the marrow out of life." I wanted to learn, I wanted to kill, I wanted to be challenged and to suffer and to come home with intense stories to tell. And when I arrived at this camp two weeks ago, I knew this is where it would all happen. I knew this is where God wanted me to be.

Then the call came. I'll be flying back by the end of this week. Back to "Camp Cupcake", where there is Pizza Hut, movie theaters, and wireless internet. Where life is so sedentary that I'll probably end up watching pornography all day.

I wondered to God why He would allow this to happen. Why shouldn't I stay here, where I am doing good works? I'm being challenged here, I have good fellowship here, I'm living a simple and eventful life here. Why should I go back to a place of comfortable living?

And He told me that it's not just about living comfortably, it's about feeling comfortable. I'm at a place I know I want to be. I want to be here, I want to do the things I'm doing (or would have been doing). I'm building my resume here, gaining valuable experience and skills, enhancing my future as a therapist, Special Agent, minister, whatever. I'm getting everything I could be getting.

And God said to me, it's not about the opportunities, man. It's about your attitude. It's not about your career, it's about your character. It's about doing what you don't want to do.

He said Listen, kid. Suck it up and stop being so upset. Bitch.